Eighteen years ago, I was looking for meditation support online when I found you, a Buddhist monastery in my own back yard. I was intrigued but hesitant to visit. Would I be welcome? Would I wear and say the right things? Then one morning, I gathered my courage and resolve and drove up your long, winding driveway. Already I was taken aback by the beauty of the hidden mountain, by your solitude and quiet. As I drove through your gate, I saw signs “Breathe, My Dear,” “You Have Arrived, You Are Home,” and noticed the tightness in my chest begin to ease.
You see, I had been struggling with my teenage son who was defiant and verbally abusive, heading down a dangerous path. I had tried everything I could think of to reach him—reading books and talking to friends and psychologists for guidance—but found myself being reactive. When he yelled at me, I yelled back. When he rebelled, I ratcheted up his discipline, but yelling and disciplining only escalated the problem.
Over weeks and months, the practices I learned at your Days of Mindfulness began to quiet my mind and alleviate my anguish. I learned how to come back to my breath and body whenever I felt overcome by emotion. I learned how to use loving speech and deep listening rather than being reactive. When my son yelled at me, I began to think “My dear, I can see you are suffering. What is making you suffer so?” This one simple practice allowed me to approach my son with love and understanding, to show him I love him unconditionally and am here to support him. He didn’t change overnight, but our relationship became more peaceful with time and he became less reactive as well.
The peaceful smiles and warmth of your monastics buoyed me through the turbulence in this period of my life. One morning, a radiant nun, Sister Hộ Nghiêm, bowed to me and asked how I was feeling. I told her what was going on with my son and will never forget her response. She took my hands in hers, smiled, and said sweetly, “Make a beautiful garden and your children will come and lay down in it.”
I have striven to make a beautiful garden every day since. My son and daughter are grown and happy. I am now a grandmother of four, watering the wholesome seeds within me so that flowers may bloom for my grandchildren as well as my children. Thank you, respected Thay, for your teachings. Thank you, Deer Park, for providing a safe, loving space for my seeds to grow.
With gratitude,
Sue M
Unconditional Love of the Heart
In harmony with Thay’s practice of writing love letters to share gratitude, love, and peace with those around him, we asked practitioners to submit love letters to Deer Park describing what it means to them.
If you would like to submit your own Love Letter to Deer Park, please email us at loveletters@deerparkmonastery.org. We love receiving your writings, poetry, and photos. Please include your name and Dharma name if you have one.
